So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
