one might say we're banned from that church
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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