Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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