A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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