the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize