The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
