I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
