What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
