He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
