James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
