i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
