Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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