your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
