Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
