my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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