it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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