You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.