It's Friday. Sex?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Threesome in a minivan. New low
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil