That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'