billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
