An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just crazy horny about you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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