Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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