I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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