i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize