We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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