Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
