I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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