Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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