Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
