Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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