So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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