She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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