Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
