dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
