Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
