I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
