I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
