Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
