so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
