Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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