Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
