Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
