I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
