I think I died a long time ago.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
