my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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