I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
