After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think my moral compass just broke
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
