ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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