Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
