My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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