Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
