so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
