Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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