i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
