I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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