she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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