Cold hands, warm shart.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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