your thong is hanging out like whoa
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
