Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
