i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize