I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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