Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
a search helicopter?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
