mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
