I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
PANTIES FOUND
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
