I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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