i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
