I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
