My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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