Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
