Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
