May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
