you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
