Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
