i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
